Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Cap'n Ferret Fancier

Nothing can make you mean like watching a documentary on people who "show" ferrets. Like a dog show. But with ferrets. Pete and I went from kind, caring, gentle shows, to the meanest, most judgmental jerks in about five minutes flat. It was the horrible ferret song sung by one of the ferret ladies. Seriously, though: if there is a real cross-section of America that "shows" ferrets, this show (on OPB) did not give it fair representation. But if the OPB show is representative, ferret people are almost universally obese 60+-year old women who either had children who have grown up and moved away, or who never married and never had children. They're weird. They like country-style furnishings and those tapestry pillows with scenes of rabbits and flowers. And tie-dye. And turquoise. I'm not kidding: even if you only have one mean bone in your body, ferret ladies will turn you into a trash talking ass hole.

Pete said at one point, "I bet there's one ribbon per ferret at that show." Here's how OBP ended the program. "327 ferrets entered the show. [pause-wait for it...] 400 ribbons were awarded."


SonicLlama said...

I'm filled with images of hundreds of ferrets with little pink bows on their heads, each doted on by some horrible, makeup-smeared old woman.
And, inside each ferret is a tiny predatory brain, screaming in primal, mental agony, wondering why it cannot be terrorizing field mice in the long grass or wrestling with mighty hares as it attempts to invade a labyrinthine warren.
Instead, all of it's instincts and wants have been subverted by a pink-clad force of emasculation, taming and defanging their tiny, primal minds, topping that which is red in tooth and claw with a silken bow of castration.
Poor ferrets.
But, anyways, I'm curious as to what you thought of the end of Harry Potter. I've got a whole slew of opinions on the ending, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Eric said...

400 ribbons? It's elementary school all over again. Only with ferrets.

I'll email you back soon about your idea. Umm, it's weird, I'll give you that.

Jolie said...

I also saw the Ferret Documentary on OPB. I loved it. I've never laughed so hard in my life. I even watched it a second time, it was so funny. It didn't make me mad, just happy that these people have something to love and talk to. They definitely aren't living in the real world. It made me feel a lot more normal. I liked the ferret song, but the rainbow bridge to heaven freaked me out!

Sydney said...

Oh my God, I'd completely forgotten about the rainbow bridge to heaven! Hilarious! I am seriously considering buying a copy of that just so I can make my friends and family watch it. Specifically my brother.

I liked the woman in the denim shirts - she seemed like the most normal ferret fancier. And when her nose got bitten/sliced at the ferret competition, she was very zen about the whole thing. I think she said something like, "Well, that's what I get for putting my face right up next to someone else's ferret." Delightful creatures!

happycacher said...

My 17-year-old son and I happend onto the last 5 minutes of the show and were laughing so hard we were crying! The next morning we sang the song (using what lyrics we could remember and making up new ones) and laughed just as hard. We have to get a copy of that to pass around.