Monday, December 18, 2006

But HE was the cheerleader!

So there's this awful picture of Dubya & Laura in People magazine (available here) that's totally creepy. Mom pointed it out to me; it made us feel gross. There's something about it that's just not right. We surmised that it's the "football hero corners cheerleader" vibe that's just so totally wrong for the fawking President of the United States of America. Especially as HE was the CHEERLEADER!

The gross feeling it gave us is very specific. Mom has a friend whose family has come up with a name for this specific feeling, the feeling you get when someone is doing something really stupid that's totally going to backfire on them or make them (or you) look like an idiot. When mom reported this name to us, she reported it as "the tardwillies." (Yep, tard willies.) That wasn't exactly correct, but it's way better than whatever her friend actually came up with and it's become common parlance in our household. We have, in fact, created an entire echelon of names for related sensations. Unfortunately only one other stuck: the jerkwillies, when someone is being a total asshole for no reason (like Dr. House on TV's House, for instance) and you feel anxious in your tummy because you know that it will result in no good! No good, I say!

So this photo totally gives me the tardwillies. And so does most of Seinfeld and I Love Lucy, which is why I can't watch them. It's nice to finally have a name for my particular illness, which I'd heretofore been forced to describe as "an overabundance of empathy." No no - it's just an overabundance of the tardwillies.

Anyway, I think everyone should start using "tardwillies" and "jerkwillies" in their daily goings-on.

(Yes, I did consult Pete about spellings. We decided to use compound words instead of hyphens or two words because ultimately hyphens are almost always dropped, making hyphen users look like weirdos. I mean, who writes e-mail any more? Or builds a ro-bot?)


Anonymous said...

I thought that was the nastiest Bush in the world, maybe you got your headlines mixed up.

Do the Jerkwillies play the bamjo?

Sydney said...

No no, the People picture was -at best- the second nastiest bush in the world. That one in the Adidas parking lot is fersure the very nastiest.

The real question is: do the tard- and jerkwillies give you a heebie or a jeebie? And you know, I just don't know! You know who should play the bamjo, though? Pete. I mean, we have a banjo in the basement just waiting for someone to play it. How hard would it be to use his luthiery skills to make a bamjo?