Monday, June 23, 2008

Identical Cousins. Wait, what?

I don't know how it never registered when I was a kid, but what the hell was up with the premise of the Patty Duke Show?

"They're cousins, identical cousins and you'll find... they laugh alike, they walk alike, some times they even talk alike.... you could lose your mind! when cousins! are two of a kind!"

I mean, seriously: how did it never occur to me that there's no such thing as "identical cousins"? Also, why do I still know the theme song to a show that was already in reruns before my mother had even graduated high school? Hrm... I just looked it up on wikipedia and evidently I don't remember all of the theme song. Here are the lyrics in full (just try to wrap your head around all the ways in which none of this makes sense):

Meet Cathy, who's lived most everywhere,
From Zanzibar to Barclay Square.
But Patty's only seen the sights
A girl can see from Brooklyn Heights - what a crazy pair!

But they're cousins,
Identical cousins all the way.
One pair of matching bookends,
Different as night and day.

Where Cathy adores a minuet,
The Ballet Russes, and crepe suzette,
Our Patty loves to rock and roll,
A hot dog makes her lose control - what a wild duet!

Still, they're cousins,
Identical cousins and you'll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike -
You can lose your mind,
When cousins are two of a kind!

Okay, I'll admit it, that was mostly filler. I don't really have anything more to say about this other than to invite you to really fully consider the insanity that is the idea of IDENTICAL COUSINS.

Also, is the bit about the hot dog innuendo? If so: gross.


Ben said...

The answer to how you know the song: Nick at Nite.

Thanks for getting it into my head.


Dale said...


Beau said...

Clearly TV executives of the time recognized how truly evil and wrong identical twins are, and tried to hide the truth.

Or the Duke family is far far more messed up then previously let on, and their family tree has at least one circle in it... possibly more.

SonicLlama said...

Well, if a pair of identical guys did a pair of identical girls and each couple had a kid there is the one-in-a-billion shot that the kids could end up with the same chromosomes.

Or not. I could be wrong. But that's the only explanation I can think of.

Sydney said...

Ben - you're welcome! Spread the wealth, that's what I always say.

Beau - clearly that family is messed up. I mean, why would all the money go to one child (Cathy's mom or dad) and none to the other, but then both kids end up living with the relatively impoverished sibling? Very fishy, if you ask me. Also, both cousins are clearly mentally imbalanced. One has a hotdog-induced mania and the other is clearly an 80-year old English woman trapped in the body of a 16-year old American girl

Ooh, Llama! I like your Michael Crichton "Technically, Ma'am, it's science"- answer.