Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Just ignore constitutionality for a minute...

...and consider the following (possibly retarded) thought.

What if McDonald's determined what you could order at their restaurants based on BMI. My brother could have whatever he wants; Pete and I could have salads, chicken or parfaits; the morbidly obese could have salads and diet coke.

McDonald's is trying to sell itself as healthful with their new commercials showing fresh foods never before seen in an actual McDonald's restaurant. They haven't changed their products, they just want you to think they have. But what if they were honest about it and decided to actually influence their patrons' health. Then all the young, thin, beautiful people eating burgers would be truth in advertising. Although they'd have to tape new ads of happy fat people eating their dressingless salads and sipping their Super Sized waters. That would be kind of awesome.

4 comments:

Rip Tatermen said...

Actually, there's a decent legal precedent for ignoring the Constitution right now; I wouldn't worry about that aspect of your little plan.

Beau said...

I am sorely tempted to go all "law-geek" on this for second and explain why Syd's plan for forced dietary restrictions could work, I shall refrain unless pressed to do so.

Instead, let me just say, I would pay my cold hard earned green to watch a pimply faced 16 year old clerk at McDonalds telling an angry 300 lbs man why he can't eat 4 big macs. I would just want a channel showing that 24 hours a day on cable from McDonalds all across the country. And maybe with announcers...

Eric said...

Yeah, you know the whole "we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone." They could just keep you refusing you until you order a salad. And Beau's right. Watching the crackling voiced teenager try and refuse an order from a 300lb man who really wants a double quarter pounder value meal supersized would be hilarious. A nice 1/2 hour show of the days best flips outs and beat downs with some snarky commentary would be perfect next to Cops.

SonicLlama said...

So, would part of McDonald's employee training become "BMI guessing 101?" I can imagine some old carny weight guesser standing before a bunch of pimply, slouched kids instructing them in the ways of determining someone's true mass.
Either that, or McDonald's would have freaky sci-fi type scanner things that instantly asses the fat-assedness of anyone who walks in. You know, if all the fast food chains were compelled to do this, people could start to seek out the places with faulty or lenient BMI scanners. I imagine that the scenario could play out something like this:

"You know the Burger King on Sandy? Yeah, the one by the overpass. The BMI scanner's been buggy for months. I can't go double meat anywhere else, but there I can totally score with two patties and bacon. Don't use it too often, though- we don't want them fixing that thing."